


Five Times This Was A Bad Idea, And One Time It Was Even Worse But Fitz Was Drunk So I Mean

by Nathan, Volrosso



Category: The Academy Is...
Genre: Coffee Shops, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, and high school
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-06-10 06:13:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6943105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nathan/pseuds/Nathan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Volrosso/pseuds/Volrosso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyke Jarden is real</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Mike Carden was a jock. 

Going by the laws of physics for boyd like Tyler Joseph, who were kind of nerds but also popular enough to not be totsl rejects, they should be enemies. Total enemies. Tyler Joseph isn't the sort of band geek tha usually gets beat up in fanfiction, he's better than that. He's got the power of his words and his sick rhymes to save him from the onslaught of jocks that try to beat him the fuck up every day, becaus ethate's what realistivally happens in bandom fics anf usually someone is yelling slurs and is taller and beefier and more heterosexual than the rest

and by all definitions, tyler joseph is aheterosexual. He dreams og having a hot girl to bring home, someone he can take to church and fuck in tha ass while they pretend they're not fucking so they can actually wait til marriage so they can graduate to the missionary position at 7. pm every thursday after 2 flassed of red wine. for procreatoons' 

saek only of course because crhistians dont do premarital sex becaus erthey don't know how to have a good time. Tyler Hoseph doesn't know how to have a good time and it's tragic, but once his eyes settle on Mike Cardeb, the jock who goes to their schoolwho I nknow literally othing about except he's not Australian and he's problematic somehow and he's nor as hot as William Bevckett and UI ewouldnt suck his dick in a tree anf als he's friends with gabe saporta, who is a zionist and also relevant to the story somehow, maybe he's fuckingWilliam Beckett wo is not a jock and who is very not Christian because if you're gay you can't be christian obviously but who care sbaout them because this is about Mike Carden and Tyler Dark'ness Dementia Ravren Joseph meeting eyes across the coffee shop anf falling in deep and dramatic and very forbieddenm love

Why was it forbidden, you ask? It was because Mike Carden was a fitlhy atheist and Tyler Joseph was a debvout son of a bitch who couldn't carry the weight of the gay burden on his shoulders but it was love at first sight, like that brobecks song even though dallon weekes is no better than tyrant urie, even when Tyler proved himself to be too basic by ordering a caramel macchiato Mike still loved ihm because he was different. He wasn't like other boys. He was special. He wasn't a filtyhe neurotypival he wasn't sbout to go talking to epopel who werren't insane because people who aren't insane are boring, so he had to figure out if Mike Carden was sane or not 

"do you think Jared leto's joker is #toomuch," tyler joseph asked mike carden

mike carden was amazed that he's managed to say hashtag in a normal sentence without making it sound wierd. "He just has a lot off feeling and U thingk people need to leave him alonf," he saud, whci may be out of charactwr bc i knoe three things about him like rally is he relevant at all to bandom histry? no. So,

"Well it;s been nice to meet you," said Tyler joseph, as he went oger to get his drink from the other barista who was like, fuck, who knows, ryn ross who is equally insufferable and probably wearing a ridiculous scarf bc thart's all he owns. He didn't know they went to the same school yet because I didn't write that and Im not foing to bc I'm sleepy so fuck you remember kids fuck pete wetnz and ryden was a lie


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Not long after the chance meeting in the coffee shop, Tyler Joseph once again met Mike Carden. Mikle was a jock in his spare time (as well as working in t coffee shop I think, I don't remeber whar happened last time I tried to write this stupid fucking thindfg.)

 

It was because Mike was a jock. Tylerm, a not jock, was fascinated by the very concept of jocks, Nathan just whispered "does that mean Mike Carden is a twunk?" and I got upset and I guess he's right but that's an upsetting truth/ I guess we;ll grin and bear it. Mike Carden is a jock and also a twunk, but Tyler is too Christian to take it in the ass si he is technically a top, but you can't know that yet because I haven't written it and also like character wise he has to be an awkward but somehow very charming virgin that's always how high school aus worrk and then they like fuckin detention or something because delinquents do that (eg. Breakfast club )

Mike Carden was at his swim meet, because he's a jock and yes, he wims.He was in the ppool when Tyler Joseph walked into the room with his camera, seeing as Tyler was one of the photographeers foe the yearbook. Because he had nothing better to do wuth his time exceot pray for the gays. Which doesn't take a lot of time or efffort because they're going ot hell anyways and Tyler didn't want the weight of their gay burden on his shoulders longer than strictly necessary. ..........

When he came in, all the dudes on thw swim team lined up out of the water and stood on the diving boards. There were many dudes there but Tyler had eyes only for Mike, the mysterious coffee shop dude he'd talked to I think last time before I got so lazy that I stoppoed caring what happened. Maybe. He was standing on the diving boarf, water dripping down his wvery pale cottage cheese chest and over his rock nhard abs. Tyler watched that intently. He couldn't admit he thought it was hot because that'w not a heterosexual thing t o do. So he just stood there standing like a total creep and he IS a totzl creep e ven irl. Mike was oblivious to thst.

Yeah. 

I don't know/ that's what romance is like right

When Mike jumped inro rhw water hw seemed to turn into a different person, or maybe a small dolphin or a porpoise that;s been caught in a fishing net it shouldn't have to encoun ter anyways stop bottom trawling today and call you r local government man and tell him to stop immediately in the name o ff mother nature who is admittedly a bitch, but one we should work to appease.

I hinkg that's what the government does but I'm on a tangent now. Mike Carden is a jock and he jumped into the water lkike a graceful sea mammal and Tyler could only stand helplessly and watch. Like some fuckin gay shitlord wh o writes shitty raps. He's like a soundcloud DJ or that white kid in your grade 11 class who smokes weed every day and wears snapbacks with gis nike sandals and mary jane socks (mary janw as in the devils lettuce) and who is trying to launch a successful rap career using only mediocre lyrics and public domain sound samples. He snapped a photo to remember later, but he sensed the gayb feelings were somewhere in the rim, watching is every move. he would have to CT like a hetero more than he ever had in his life.

So when Mike Carden came out of the water in his whatever you eaer in diving he came and said

"Hi"

absb Tyler got defensive about this and said "I'm straight."

And shoved Mike back oin the water, vowing never to speak to him agin.

Except he woud but I'm very tired so maybe later.  


End file.
